Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
