Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
