i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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