Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Randomize
