Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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