You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
