My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
