I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
