New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
