I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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