You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
