Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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