ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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