Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
