Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
