Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
