every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
