alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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