i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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