I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
