i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
