1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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