Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
