He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
