let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
