Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
