Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
