I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
