I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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