my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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