You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
