I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
