I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
