Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
