Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
