So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
