hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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