I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Randomize
