Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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