fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
