I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
