Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
