Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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