Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
