At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
