I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
