Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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