so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
