I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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