I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
