its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We need to get me chipped asap
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
