theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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