the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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